A Funeral for a Friend
by ArabellaNitehart
Summary: We welcome you to this heartbreaking event... We are very grateful to have you come to pay your respects to our dearest Arthur... Please be courteous during this time... Our Alfred is mourning for the loss of his beloved... -USUK ONESHOT-Thank you card-
1. WARNINGS

**WARNINGS:**

**-Depression induced**

**-Depression causing**

**-Angst/anxiety feelings may occur after reading this**

**-Sad feelings may occur after reading also**

**-Those angst/anxiety/sad etc. feelings may last for a while if you feel them**

**-Character death**

**-Character pain/inner torture/anguish/guilt ridden**

**-NO HAPPY ENDING**

**Read at your own risk. Turn back now if you don't want to be feeling bad afterwards.**

Songs to listen to while reading (Listed in order from songs highly recommended to listen to):

Last Dance- Camera Can't Lie

I Will Follow You Into the Dark- Death Cab For Cutie

Broken- Seether Ft. Amy Lee

Twenty Years- Augustana

Porcelain Heart- Barlow Girl

What Hurts the Most- Rascal Flatts

Who Am I To Say- Hope

9 Crimes- Damien Rice

Sad Romance- Nguyen Xanh Thao

I'm Still Alive- Saving Abel


	2. Welcome To Arthur's Funeral

Disclaimers/ I do not own Hetalia. It is owned bits creator Himaruya Hidekaz.

* * *

><p>A Funeral for a Friend<p>

My head was bowed to look down at my hands near my chest working on getting the tie on right. They purposely messed it up so they would be able to redo it and take some more time.

The door squeaked when it was opened. "Are you ready Alfred..?" I heard Francis ask me softly. I could tell he was a little cautious from asking me that when he walked into my bedroom of my house.

No. I'm not ready. This...This is the one thing I can never be ready for...

"...Yes. I'm ready."

I regrettably finished putting on my black tie—not wanting to finish getting ready so soon. I wanted to buy a little more time so I didn't have to leave the safe haven of my house. So I took as much time as I can getting ready.

I raised my head to look at myself in the dresser mirror of my room—looking blankly at my finished appearance from the waist up of what I could see in the mirror.

A black suit, black dress pants, white dress shirt, black dress shoes, a black tie and a vacant expression stuck upon my face with distant eyes hiding behind the lenses of my glasses.

My eyes moved to look at the side of the mirror to see Francis' reflection that showed on the glass. His face wasn't the usual cheerful look. He looked like he didn't sleep for days and his eyes looked bloodshot.

I moved my eyes to look at myself again—I looked the same also. Bloodshot eyes, tired face. I moved my sight back to Francis whose expression didn't change. "How do I look..?" I asked emotionlessly. I didn't feel like smiling today.

France gave me a sad smile, looking at me through the mirror— taking a moment to carefully collect his words even if there was no need to. He doesn't have to be sensitive about this. I'm the hero after all. I'm just asking how I look.

"You look _merveilleux__."_ He answered consolingly—his voice soft and comforting. "He would think so too."

"You think so..?"

"_Oui_."

I smiled at him through the mirror as cheerfully as I can—putting on the best fake smile I can make. It looked real enough, even I thought so, but he didn't buy it of course. He didn't mention it though. It's okay if he talks about this. I don't mind. But he won't talk about this. And that's okay too.

I turned around to look straight at Francis—still smiling that fake smile that he doesn't believe.

He did the same—smiling a fake smile, with he, himself, wearing the same clothes as I— a black suit, black dress pants, white dress shirt, black dress shoes, and a black tie.

We both headed out of my room and went out the front door to get into his car. I asked him if he could pick me up. I didn't feel like driving today.

Francis unlocked his car and went into the driver's seat. I stood in front of the door of the passenger side with my hand loosely gripping onto the handle—staring blankly at my own hand to have a moment to myself. I sighed sadly as my heart began to sink even more than it already had before pulling at the handle to open the door and sit inside the car.

We drove for a couple minutes without talking. I didn't feel like talking today.

I looked out my window—staring absentmindedly at the passing buildings, the happy people laughing and having a blast. I sighed sadly—I didn't feel like laughing today.

We kept driving in silence, but I could feel Francis' eyes on me every now and again. He was worried, I could tell, but I'm fine.

I'm the hero.

I kept staring at the scenery beyond the window pane—feeling the sun's warm rays wrapping it's arms around me. I saw trees, I saw pets, I saw houses and buildings, and I saw people walking. The people just looked like a big blur in my eyes, but I could still see the little details. The people looked so happy—happy blurs.

Arthur and I used to walk together, just the two of us back then. We used to be happy like that. We used to be happy blurs just like them.

But that was a long time ago. That was when I was a kid. Nowadays that barely was the case even from all the times we spent together.

I could feel Francis' worried eyes on me again as I looked out the window to watch nothing in particular. "Alfred..." He said concerned. I noticed he didn't keep talking. I could tell he was trying to find the right words to say.

It's fine, I'm fine, he can say whatever.

I don't feel like talking though.

Francis took a while to talk again. I heard him breathe in a little, "You can always talk to me or Matthew or any of your friends—remember that."

I didn't reply right away. I didn't feel like replying. I didn't feel like talking... "...I know." I know I can always talk to them...but none of them are the ones I want to talk to.

Out my window, the happy blurs looked even happier. They had who they loved with them hand in hand—sharing their affection for each other with each other.

I sighed and saw that we drove up to the cemetery. Francis parked the car at the curb and was the first to get out. I stayed in the car looking out to the cemetery field. Why did it have to look so beautiful out..? Why did the sun have to shine brightly and flowers bloom in all colors today..?

Were they happy blurs too? Like those people?

...Like how Arthur and I used to be..?

I sighed again, finally getting out of the car. France waited up for me until I got out. Then we walked into the cemetery.

We walked in silence for a few minutes until we saw a group of people in an open field of grass, wearing also all black— gathered together with an open casket at the head of everyone. They weren't talking, and of course neither was the one in the coffin.

As we went over to the group of people, several turned their head to look at me and Francis, but most were looking at me with sad faces.

Kiku came out of the group and went up to me— placing a concerned hand on my shoulder. "Alfred-san... Remember we are here for you." He said to me.

I know, I know... I know they are... "...I know. Thanks." I smiled softly at him. Even though it was a small smile—it was hard to do. I didn't feel like smiling...

I didn't...feel like...smiling...

Everyone began to sit down on the chairs put out for us with an aisle in between the seats and the coffin in the front on the walkway. I sat in front with France, Matthew, and Kiku. They stayed quiet—I guess they figured out that I didn't feel like talking.

So we sat in silence along with the rest of the group.

We all sat in silence as the priest went up front to say a few words and I—just stared absentmindedly at the coffin in front.

I heard sniffling and small whimpers from throughout the group of people—saying things like, 'I can't believe he's gone...' or 'Things will never be the same...'. They were right—things will never be the same again. I turned my head to look at the other side of the aisle to see Peter with his older brothers sitting at the front.

Peter's face was soaked with tears that shined in the light—he dug his face in one of his brother's arm. His brothers had their heads bowed—I guess they also had a lot to think about.

After the priest was finished everyone got up in line through the walkway to pass the coffin and pay their respects—some with flowers, some with small gifts to put inside or outside the coffin.

I stayed sitting down even as Matthew, Francis, and Kiku got up to get in line. Matthew stopped in front of me—looking down at me. I looked up at him blankly—then smiled another forced smiled softly, "You go on ahead. I want to be last."

Matthew nodded sadly, "Alright." And he went on with the rest of the people to pay his respects.

After each person passed the coffin, they all went to me to say small 'sorrys' and short words to comfort me before they headed off back to their cars and leave all this sad air behind. That's just how it is with these things—not everyone can feel the same way, not everyone can feel the way I do about today.

After everyone had gone—I stared at the coffin with distant eyes. I looked down at my hands then back at the coffin before slowly getting up from my seat and walking over to the casket.

I couldn't help, but gaze at him.

His beautiful face, his golden hair, his soft hands that lied intertwined with each other on top his stomach as he himself—was lying down on his back unmoving. His white suit suited him—complimenting his every being just perfectly. The suit was beautiful—but it just doesn't do him any justice.

I stood in front of the almost empty congregation—looking vacantly down at him just lying there looking like the angel he is. The air around him just seemed brighter—even now.

"How do I look Artie..?" I asked him softly, smiling fondly, but sadly. "You look beautiful as always." I took a hand to gently brush Arthur's hair. I chuckled a bit, trying hard to not show Arthur my weakness because heroes aren't weak.

I wish his eyes weren't closed... I wanted to see them. To see how captivating they are. To see how beautiful they are just like he is.

...To see them...one more time.

I smiled fondly down at him—my face starting to feel warm, "Can you open them for me Artie..?" I asked him hesitantly—being able to hear my own voice waver even though I was talking softly to a point where it's louder than a whisper...but quieter than a soft voice singing a lullaby to a child.

He didn't open them of course. He just lied there and kept looking like a beautiful angel. I really wanted to see his shining emerald eyes—

One last time...

I chuckled sadly again. "You always were stubborn…" Why did this have to happen..?

My beautiful Arthur…

:-:-:-:

"_Alfred..! Don't walk away from me!"_

"_I can do what I want! I told you I don't need you! I can deal with this myself so quit following me!"_

"_How can you when you're acting up like this? Clearly you CAN'T deal with this on your own!" Arthur continued to follow me even after I stormed out of the Conference Hall. "You'll get hurt if you go out to battle on your own..! Let me help you..! I don't want anything terrible to happen to you..!"_

_I stopped walking away and turned around to glare at Arthur. "Stop! Just stop! Okay? Who asked you? It's not like you love me..!"_

_Arthur fixated his eyes to me—his expression turned soft and hurt. "But...But I do love you...I love you Alfred..."_

_He said he loved me... and all I did was continue to stare at him angrily. "Oh yeah? Well I hate YOU! Got it? I HATE you!" I don't know why I said it. It wasn't true. It was never true... But I said it. I can't believe I said what was anything else, but the truth._

_And he just looked at me with his beautiful emerald eyes that cried in hurt— it made my heart break, but it made me madder. And he just kept looking at me like an angel... He was so beautiful... Such a beautiful angel...It made me angrier seeing him so beautiful._

_Why couldn't he just leave me alone? _

_And all I did was keep staring angrily at him until I had enough looking at his angelic face...I turned back around to face my back to him and stomped blindly across the street._

_I didn't know what was happening I was too mad at him at the time. I heard a honk and the rolling of many wheels, but I wasn't thinking straight to notice at that point._

"_ALFRED!" I heard Arthur cry out—his voice sounded scared, but I was still too angry to pay full attention..._

_I heard a series of honks that sounded like they were coming closer...and closer..._

_And immediately at once..._

_I felt a hard, forcing shove on my back—it felt like I was thrown away. _

_By the time I knew it..._

_By the time I realized that I had just been pushed..._

_By the time I heard the vehicle hit something then stopping immediately afterwards and hearing the sound of screeching wheels..._

_...I was on the ground...lying on my stomach._

'_No... no...What just happened..?' I thought to myself—staring at the cold concrete, but I knew in the back of my mind what had happened...but I wished desperately for it to not be true..! I even convinced myself for a moment that it wasn't true... But I knew it was..._

_Slowly I pushed myself up off my stomach—I could feel my arms tremble, making it hard to get up. I pushed myself up to kneel and hesitantly—I turned my body around enough to see what lied behind me...to see what had happened..._

_My eyes widened in horror at the scene..._

"_ARTHUR!" _

_:-:-:-:_

...It's my fault that you had to go... all my fault...

I smiled softly at my Arthur...The angel who loved me...

Do you still love me Arthur..?

I bent over slightly and placed a hand at the side of his beautiful face, "Do you still love me..?" Tears threatened my eyes and I could feel my throat tighten...It was hard to talk...There was still so much to say...And so much that I should have said...So much that I shouldn't have...

France, Matthew, and Kiku stayed behind to wait for me. I turned around to look at their sad faces and the slight breeze blowing their hair to the side. I faced Arthur again with my hand still on his flawless face—smiling fondly at my Arthur.

My eyes were burning from the hot tears begging to come out—so I let them.

And the tears just kept falling...and falling...and falling.

I cried while looking lovingly at my Arthur—a small sad smile formed on my lips. I turned to look back at the others with tear streaming eyes and the pain clearly shown on my face. I choked on my sobs, crying out in pain of loss and regret that pierced right through my chest—wanting me to suffer.

I deserved it. I deserve all this pain, all this misery. I want to suffer to make up all the times Arthur did because of me.

I choked harder on my sobs—shutting my eyes as tight as I can to not see my fragile appearance reflected in their sorry eyes.

My eyes snapped back open with tears falling faster down my cheeks—turning back to look at my dear precious Arthur. I cupped both my hands on his face—choking on every cry I cried out.

I just couldn't take it anymore… My Arthur…My beautiful Arthur…Is gone and it's all my fault..!

I couldn't stop myself from crying... I didn't feel like stopping. I rubbed Arthur's cheeks with my thumbs—wishing…wanting…for him to open his sparkling emerald eyes so I can see them again.

But they won't..! They won't open no matter how many times I ask..!

Shutting my eyes again—I let my painful thoughts run through my head. They haunted me…they consumed me, but I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes again to escape from the pain. The pain will always be here when I open them...

I choked out, still visioning my haunting memories as my eyes remained closed as the thoughts were eating at me—crying harder and choking on every damn word I said..!

Nothing was going to stop me now..! Nothing..! I don't care if I look weak..! I don't care if people are watching..! "I-I should've done something..! I-I was there and I couldn't stop this from happening..!"

I can never tell him how beautiful he is... I can never tell him how he means everything to me...How I love him so much...I can never tell him that I'm sorry...

"It is not your fault Alfred..." France said—trying to calm me down, but it won't help one damn bit. "You didn't know that this was going to happen..."

I kept crying—groaning at my feelings that raged inside like an unforgiving storm. Everything just hurt so bad... It was my fault...It _is_ my fault...my fault...

All my fault...

"It _is_ my fault Francis! It's all my fault! I was the one who walked away from him! I was the one not paying attention to the street! I was the one who didn't see the truck! I was the one who was pushed out of the way of the truck!" I yelled out for the whole world to hear.

My tears just kept falling down and I didn't want them to stop, but I wanted them to at the same time... Everything hurt...And crying made it worse...but I had to...I had to cry...I wanted to cry until my wish came true...To have my Arthur back...

So that means I will cry forever..."I was the one whose life Arthur saved..." My voice was now a whisper... I was too ashamed to let the world hear and see how weak I've become...

"Only to have him give up his..." I lowered my head to hide from the sun that just mocked this day. "He sacrificed his life for someone not worth saving..." My hands began to tremble uncontrollably. I brought my hands back to myself—not wanting to taint my beautiful angel's face with my impure touch.

The trembling didn't stop and my legs began to buckle. I fell down to my knees—burying my face in my hands while I kept crying out my sorrow as I wept. "He's gone..! He's gone forever and I'll never have the chance to say I love him!"

I dropped my hands from my face to look up at the clear bright blue skies. "Oh Arthur...My sweet beautiful Arthur... Do you still love me..? Do you hear me Arthur..? Did you hear me say I love you..?" I closed my eyes with salty tears trailing down and my head still facing up—feeling the small wind cool my wet face. "I love you Arthur..." I said softly—trying my hardest to have him hear me even though I know he can't...

I hurriedly stood up to almost stumble back down because I was too much in pain on this high with my head feeling light and my insides being shredded...

Quickly I went to the coffin to cup my angel's face once again—tightly shutting my eyes and lowering my head down to have our foreheads touch while I cried those never ending tears. I desperately cried useless cries thinking that they will do me any good. "NO ARTHUR PLEASE COME BACK! PLEASE GOD TAKE ME INSTEAD! IT'S MY FAULT! TAKE ME INSTEAD! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!" I yelled out, choking on my sobs, "ARTHUR COME BACK!"

"That's enough Alfred it's not your fault! You wouldn't have been able to do anything..!" Francis yelled out.

Francis, Matthew, and Kiku were suddenly pulling at me—trying to separate me and my Arthur. They all pulled hard on my arms and my trembling body to break me away from my Arthur.

Kiku and Matthew had my arms in a strong grasp. Francis had me from behind with his arms locking in under my arms—all three of them pulling hard to drag me backwards away from my angel.

I flailed and tossed my arms and legs around to try to escape from their tight hold, "NO! TAKE ME BACK! LET ME GO! TAKE ME BACK TO HIM! Take me instead oh Arthur please come back..!" I pleaded—straining out to say all in one forced breathe that was left from what my tears took, even with my eyes shut tight to not see who I desperately wanted to see again.

My words were a mess of pleads and begs for something that will never become a reality. My words were a mess of pleads and begs that I couldn't understand myself.

I just wanted to scream...I just wanted to cry...I just wanted Arthur back with me again...

Their hold on my body was strong...Or I was too weak...too sad to use all my energy to fight back.

I didn't feel like doing_ anything_! Let me be with my Arthur!

I opened my eyes again to see that I was getting farther and farther away from the casket...Farther and farther away from my beautiful...precious...Arthur...

I finally broke out of their grasp and I stumbled out—running back towards my beautiful angel...

"Alfred that's enough come back!" I heard Matthew say from the distance.

"NO!" I kept running until I got to my Arthur...

I clutched onto the sides of the coffin—looking lovingly down at my beautiful Arthur. I placed my hands to the sides of his face again and lowering my head to have our foreheads touch once more...

I cried...all I did was cry... I want to cry. I want to cry hard...I want to cry forever...

I smiled sadly—chuckling just a little while I sobbed my heart out.

"I don't hate you..." I whispered so the others can't hear, my voice hitching from my sobs. I chuckled sadly again. "I don't hate you...I never hated you...I love you Arthur—you know that right..?"

I heard Kiku slowly walk up beside me, "Alfred-san…There's nothing you can do… We're sorry…" He said sadly to me. It hurt for him to say it, I could tell—and it hurt me to hear it…

Because it was true.

"It is not your fault Alfred..! We are here for you..! You do not have to go through this alone..! We are all hurting from this..!" Francis scolded at me—coming closer to me and my Arthur. Why can't they just leave us alone? Let me be with my Arthur...Please let me be with my love...

I didn't turn around to look at them. I _don't_ feel like looking at them! I don't feel like doing _anything_—

Besides crying...

I lifted my head just a little bit to open my eyes and see Arthur's beautiful face. He deserved so much more...I don't deserve his love...

I choked on my cries with my voice hitching every time. I let myself look weak. I let myself look vulnerable. I let my heart pour out even though Arthur wouldn't hear...

"I don't deserve him..."

I choked on a sob—choking on words I did not say, words I can't bring myself to say. I felt a tender hand on my shoulder. I knew it was Matthew—I didn't look back to make sure. "Please Alfred…Talk to us…" Matthew said softly—his voice sounding more upset. I still didn't look back to look at the others—but instead I just kept crying because that's all I wanted to do.

"Fine..! You want me to talk..? I'll fucking talk..!" I screamed turning my head to pierce my eyes into them to listen before turning back around to stare fondly at Arthur.

"The last thing I said to him…was 'I hate you'…" I choked more, gazing lovingly at my angel—groaning at the feel of my insides twisting and my heart being sliced in two. Those three words I regret saying to him so much felt so bitter on my tongue and tasted bloody each time. "The last thing…I said to Arthur before he died…was 'I hate you'!"

I regret telling him that I hate him…now it's too late to do anything..! It's too late to say those three words he said to me back to him… It's too late to tell him that I love him… Because he will never hear...

"I can never…ever…EVER..!" I couldn't help, but gaze at him—my Arthur. His beautiful face, his golden hair, his soft hands that lied intertwined with each other on top his stomach as he himself—was lying down on his back unmoving.

He is a beautiful angel...

I choked on a sob—crying out for the whole damn world to hear..!

"…And I can never take it back…"

Fin.

We are grateful you came.

Arthur will be missed dearly and will be forever remembered in our hearts…

Please show your respect to our beloved Arthur by reviewing.


	3. Thank You Card From England and Company

_Thank you_

We would like to thank the people who came and all the others who will come in the future. We appreciate your kind words and will hope to have more of them to ease Alfred's tired mind.

It is with a heavy mind and an even heavier heart to have this tragedy fall upon us—especially to our Alfred.

This event has opened our minds and it will not go unnoticed. We have learned that this life is not one to take lightly and that we, ourselves, should not treat it as such because we do not know what may happen in the future. We do not know what _will_ happen.

We have learned that we should be wary of what we say and what we do _because _we do not know what will happen. Vulgar sentences, hurtful words—the tongue cuts deeper than a knife, and if not careful, if not used wisely, it may be that last thing you say to that one person whom you treasured the most in your heart and forever will be.

Let this not happen to you. It pains our hearts to see this and the outcome of it—knowing we can do so little to lessen the pain.

So let this not happen to you for it hurts too much—be wary to what you say and what you do.

You do not know what will happen. And we cannot turn back time when it does—we cannot turn over the hourglass.

Our darling Arthur will be greatly missed and will forever be remembered in our hearts.

_J'adore,_

France and company

:::

Again, we would like to thank everyone who attended and will hope more will come in the near future. We are grateful for your words of compassion and comfort, but we are not the ones who truly need it—

Please show your compassion and comforting words to our dearest Alfred.

He is hurting, he is mourning for his loss. We will always be with him whenever he needs it and we hope he knows that.

Please show him your kindness and tell him that we're always here.

Arthur loved him; he still loves him more than Alfred ever knew.

Please let our Alfred know that his angel will always love him—

And that will forever be true.

_Thank you_

Love,

England and company

_I love you Alfred. _

_Do not worry love—I heard you. _

_Every word you said. Every word you will say._

_I will always love you..._

_Forever and a day._


End file.
